Why Chasing People Will Destroy Your Confidence and How To Stop The Chase
We’ve been taught as young girls and boys in order to get someone to like you romantically, they need to “chase” you. My BFF in high school and I even had the genius idea of writing a book called “It’s All About The Chase” because we thought we had the secret sauce to life and how to “get” guys. Still single and with a handful of anxiety inducing relationships under our belts, we were clearly wrong…
The chase isn’t only about romantic relationships – “the chase” might actually be affecting you with the people you chose to be friends with too.
So how do you know if you’re “chasing” and not being “chosen” and possibly destroying your self confidence in the process? Here are a few examples:
- You chase until you feel chosen (but that “chosen” feeling is only temporary).
- You leave the time spent with the person you’re “chasing” feeling anxious/wanting more, or feel anxious until that person “chooses” to be with you.
- You change your plans (that are usually important to you) in order to be with that person – thus telling them (and yourself!) that their time is more important than your own
- You are constantly are thinking about what the other person is doing, instead of worrying about what you yourself want to do
- You don’t really feel “good” after the hangout (maybe a temporary boost of happiness) but in the end you’re not fulfilled and as confident as you feel when you’re with your true friends (who choose you too)
So what is all of this chasing doing to your confidence? It’s drinking it up like a cold coconut on the beach on a hot as hell summer day. Let’s see just how…
- If you don’t value your own time, how will someone else value it when you’re chasing their availability but not making your time your priority
- By partaking in the chase, you strip away a little bit of your confidence every time you take a lap in the chasing game and allow yourself to go down the anxiety rabbit hole.
- Chasing will only fill up your “feel good” cup temporarily. Think of your “feel good” cup as having a hole in it (that hole is anxiety) – it feels so good to be full for a second but because you’re chasing and not being chosen, the anxiety hole will drain all of that goodness inside of you.
- You’re saying the other person is more important than you are. Say whaaaa?
Now what do we do to patch up the anxiety hole in our cups and make sure the "feel good" cup stays full of our confident goodness? Here are a few helpful tips:
- Don’t choose people who don’t choose you. Look for signs that you’re “chasing” someone and be honest with yourself about how this relationship REALLY makes you feel. If you see a hole in your cup, find the strength to walk away. (Trust, we know how hard it is…but your self worth demands it).
- Spend some time with your crystals – particularly ROSE QUARTZ – which is the crystal of unconditional love – but more importantly it’s the crystal for SELF LOVE.
- As you hold your ROSE QUARTZ, close your eyes and think about what you love most about yourself. What are you most proud of? Why would someone be lucky to have you in his or her life? Is there anyone really more trust worthy, funny, or selfless than you are? Probably not. ;)
- Own your awesomeness. Spend a little time with your Rose Quartz every day. Remember your time is most important than anyone else’s. Once you find the love for yourself you might be lacking, you’ll never need to chase anyone ever again.
- It’s no longer all about the chase, it’s about the choice.
Happy Healing <3